2009-06-04 - Rise of the Condiment King
Lower Manhattan is never a quiet place, no matter what time of the day. Tonight however... it's eerily quiet. There are empty cars with their doors wide open, abandoned in the middle of the street. There are abandoned coats and shoes, a mink stole. Overheard, a parliment of corvids circle, but seem to be otherwise innocent of the Bermuda Triangle-like conditions on the street below. It's as if they're waiting for easy pickings. Or just annoyed they vanished. An explosion rocks one of the many jewelry stores down one of the many streets. One man, clad in a black bodysuit emblazoned with a yellow crown, is toting a huge sack. His free hand is holding a huge firearm of some kind. Unusual for sure, as it has four barrels and each seems to be dripping some colored liquid. He's having trouble adjusting his bag of loot, as the large sack is knocking against some colored squeeze bottles along his belt. As he fumbles, he casts his head backwards, scowling at whoever's behind him. "Stop lagging and ketchup, already!" Kaboom! That was a kaboom, and that's enough to attract Superman's attention. So far, he hasn't been affected by the current weirdness...or if he has, it's not in a way that's openly visible. He angles downwards, towards the...oh. Robbery. A quick check of the area. Are the cops around? Are there civilians in immediate danger? Is there a crazy reporter who's likely to get too close? Beast always seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Here one minute he's minding his own business, and the next there's chaos going on in Lower Manhatten. Thankfully he was in the area, though he seems to have left his communit back at the Defenders Base. After ditching his clothes on a rooftop, Hank leaps out and crouches on one of the Gargoyles overlooking the street below. Seeing all the abandoned cars, coats, shoes, and such.... Hank hrms to himself. "The Rapture? Nobody told me." Hank glances down at himself... "Guess on the bright side I won't be leaving much behind." Hank snaps his head towards the where the explosion came from, trying to get a view of just who's behind whatever crazyness is going on. Ok, he doesn't recognize them off hand, but the puns are painful. And there comes the Man of Steel. Well... maybe he can knock off early for a beer. There is foul magic afoot! Well, maybe not foul... Actually, Raven doesn't have a real clue about what the hell is going on this time. A lot like the other times. Only thing she knows is that she was meditating, and was suddenly assaulted with memories from the /last/ time the plauges of magic were here, and she was reverted to an emotional 10 year old... Well, at least that hasn't happened yet. And she can't take responsability for all the people who seem to have just up and vanished. The lone, hooded figure just appears in the air above the street in a flash of shadowy darkness before she lets her cloak drape over her figure. "... Hmm..." Is all she says before her attention is diverted by the rather large explosion from farther down the street. Without a word, she flies of towards it. "Great. Just great.." No civilians in trouble here. No nothing, really... except for the oddly-dressed man. Fortunately, Beast is incorrect and a bad writing is not spreading exploding communion wafers. No Rapture here! The only thing that would be missing in this otherwise quiet scene is a tumbleweed. Even with the explosion that rocks the otherwise quiet street, nobody's in danger. Nobody's screaming for help or in pain. Strange, that. The man in the black bodysuit keeps shouting at whoever's in the store. Finally, two more people come out. One of them is a man dressed.... like a rat. He's lugging a big bag too. Rounding out the bunch is an overweight woman in bright orange spandex and an orange domino mask. She's lugging a smaller bag and carrying a mop in one hand. "We're here, let's GO!" she shouts. "And no more puns!" The first sighs and slumps a little; the three make for their vehicle. Okay...something is not right here. And, for once, it's...hrm. Okay, so, what does Superman do? He drops to a neat landing, aiming to put himself between the robbers and their getaway car. "Going somewhere?" he asks, folding his arms just below the S on his chest. He seems pretty relaxed...these guys aren't exactly powerful, after all. At least, not from what he's seen so far...or he's just in an over-confident mood again. It's likely that Supes has everything in hand, but he decides to get a closer look just in case. Leaping from the top of his gargoyle perch, Hank bounds down the side of the building. Leaping from gargoyle to gargoyle, and then from ledge to ledge until he reaches one closer to the ground. It's here he perches again... eyeballing the trio. "Ok, seriously.... who's been raiding the dollar store for super-villian costumes?" Hank comments to himself, crouching and tensing his leg muscles. If they get in the car, he'll leap down onto the hood and make his entrance. When Supes makes the first move he hangs back, waiting to get a tell on the trio before jumping down. Something doesn't feel right, at all. The Amazon Princes-... Prince known to the world as Diana has certainly had an interesting day, having woken up a good half decade younger and... distinctly the wrong gender. Still, not all is lost, and Diana's taken this as a learning experience, to understand the teenage male mind... After walking for several hours (and having purchased some new clothes) he's gotten a feel for the experience and taken to calling himself Dane, for simplicity's sake... As if his day wasn't weird enough, he's discovered that, well... Lower Manhattan is... dead... Until the explosion. Now, a mere short time later, he's tracked down the source... "I'd say they're going to jail, Superman." It doesn't even occur to him to be self concious in front of Kal-El as he approaches to a comfortable conversation distance, resting his hands on his hips in a distinctly Wonder Woman type of posture. Well, now this was not exactly what Raven was expecting to see. Where o earth... or off of it.. did these three would be villains come from? "They loko like rejects from Impulses toy collection." She comments to herself before Superman comes down and lands softly. And then, not far away, Beast appears as well. Not wanting to draw too much attention to herself, Raven vanishes and silently appears a litle bit behind Hank. "So tell me," She asks in her typical dry tone. "when did we drop into Saturday morning cartoons? Because those three sure look the part." The three sort of pile up in a rather comedic, Three Stooges-esque moment, their bags spelling. Jewels go flying. Well, except from the bag that the rat guy was holding - junks falls out of his. The other two look at the rat-man for a moment and stare then reaches out and smack him. "Idiot!" cries the woman. "This is all horseradish!" cries the other man... who promptly ducks before the woman can smack him for punning again. The man in black points his big gun at the rat-man, scowling. "I oughta hose you down for wasting our time. We have a schedule to ketchup to, and you just can't cut the mustard!" What, Superman and... Wonder Boy are here? They're forgotten as the crooks argue amongst themselves, at least for the moment. Superman gives Wonder Boy the oddest of looks. . o ( Can't be Eris this time...can it? ) And then he ahems, clearing his throat at the punning crooks. "You're under arrest." Fortunately, he resists any temptation to punish anyone in their rather verbal manner. So far. The hint of a smirk might tease at his lips, though. It would probably be a groan, but it's so far beneath Kal's dignity to actually groan. Realizing that he really has nothing to offer in this fight, Hank just returns to a crouch and decides to watch. From what he can tell, it's a trio of nobodys. And there's really no sense getting in the way, when the others have everything in hand. Hank jumps a bit at Raven's arrival, but offers her a warm smile. "That's what I'm thinking. I guess I responded for nothing though... they've likely got everything in hand." He gestures to Supes and the New Arrival down below. "Especially with this trio. Looks like they'll likely beat each other up and save everyone the trouble." Kal's dignity might not allow him to grown, but Wonder Boy's does. He groans, going so far as to bring a hand to his forehead, "In the name of the Muses, I beg you to stop abusing the English language... and our ears!" He glances over at Superman with that familiar smile that says far too much of its owners' feelings, before returning his attention to the criminals. "Honestly, you should just set the bags aside and turn yourselves in, now. I mean... Superman alone should be enough to handle you. Even if he isn't, I'm still an Amazon, and the three of you will prove no trouble. So save yourselves a world of pain, drop the bags and let's go." Raven just furrows her eyebrows a bit as she watches things unfold with Beast. "I don't know if this was a waste of time.. There are, after all, a lot of people missing around here." She gestures towards all the empty cars and whatnot. "As for those three... Eh..." She ust makes a face. "I am sure Superman and... Do you recognize that other young man?" Diana as a teenage boy, nope, Raven isn't going to recognize her like /that/. They turn at once. Is this some kind of comedy routine? The man in black grins widely. Superman he recognizes, but not 'Dane'. "Oh, how I've RELISHED this moment!" he grins madly and points his gun at Wonder Boy. "You dream and dream and then FINALLY!" He plls the trigger, releasing a torrent of... KETCHUP of all things at Dane. The gear he's wearing must be souping up the gun, for the pressure of the semi-liquid flying at Dane is, at least, equal to the strength coming from a fire hose. The woman in orange spandex (maybe she and Stompa share a tailor?) glowers at Superman, spinning her mop in her hands. As she does so, it doubles in length. She uses it to pole vault the Kryptonian, landing behind him faster than her sheer girth would suggest she is capable of. Then she thrusts the mop at the alien, the head extending into nasty, squiggly tentacles, each wrapping and squeezing with the strength of pythons. "Behold the power of MIGHTY MOM!" she screeches. She should get an Oscar for being able to say this with a straight face. This commotion leaves the rat-man time to bend over and scramble about, shoving gems into one of the sacks.Mighty...well, *his* mom could kick her butt. Pythons? Against Superman? That's really not going to be enough. He steps back as he turns to face her. He's starting to think the Saturday Morning Cartoon thing is right...and it's kinda hard to fight when it's all you can do to keep from, well. Laughing. Out loud. A lot. Beast considers Raven's wisdom and nods. "You may have a point. But looks like they might need our help after all." He gestures to the Rat Man that is trying to get away. "I'll see you down there." Hank leaps from his crouch, his powerful leg muscles carrying him nearly the entire distance. But he grabs traffic light pole, swinging around it and redirecting his leap after the rat man. "You know, this would be so much more amusing if I still had my cat form." Hank asides to noone in particular, attempting to tackle the rat man from above. The bracelets of Wonder Boy cross in front of him, just in time for the liquid to slam into them, inexplicably sheeting off without it actually hitting the Amazon warrior, who skids backward several feet, oversized sneakers squeaking. "Great Gaea... where does he get such force!?" He digs his feet in more steadily and begins advancing, the remnant of the Aegis keeping the foul liquid from touching his flesh, for the moment. Raven sighs a bit. Of /course/ they have some kind of super powers. It's only natural. "... Father, somewhere, you are laughing at me right now. Aren't you?" She says after Beast has lept away. she rubs her head a little bit before lightly jumping in the same general direction that Beast had gone. Only she wasn't aiming to tackle the Ratman. Silently, her boots touch the ground a short distance behind 'Might Mom' there. "I have heard of bad comedy..." She says as she stretches her hand out towards the woman with the mop, attempting to simply suround her in an inky black force bubble. "But this just goes so far beyond that..." Of COURSE they had to have some sort of power. If this was Central City they could get away with flashy costumes. Then again, if this was Central, they'd have to have suffered at the hands of science to actually fit in with the rest of the crooks over there. Instead, they're just fourth rate crooks in a town that regularly deals with first rate crooks. C'est la vie. The Rat-Man's chest bears a giant 'PR' surround by a circle, visible as he stands up straight. From out of his bag he pulls a Thompson Submachine gun and begins firing it at Beast as the blue mutant lands on the street light. "Nonono! These are mine!" The Chicago Typewright ra-tah-tahts repeatedly as he sprays bullets everywhere. He has exceedingly poor aim. Good thing there isn't anyone around, right? Mighty Mom seems quite confounded that her snakes-tendril-things aren't doing anything to Superman, even as she directs them to squeeze harder. She's even less aware that she's close to making the Man of Steel laugh. She's a credible threat, darnit! They say moms can see everything because they have eyes on the back of their heads. Mighty Mom spins around as Raven appears behind her, reaching for a bottle of spray hanging off her hip. It's in the air and about to be used... and then Raven encases her in a black bubble. "H-HEEEY!" she protests, pounding on the walls. "Cheeeeating! You're in for SUCH a spanking!" Which of course leaves the black suited man. He punches a button on the side of his gun and all of the nozzles engage, spraying ketchup, relish, mustard, and mayonnaise at the Amazon warrior. "You really think you have a chance against the PRINCE OF PICKLES?!" Cue the insane laughter. "Hahahahaaha! I'm the Sultan of Sauce! You're just a boy! You can't cut the mustard!" Superman does the rather obvious thing...reaching to grab the mop (by handle or tentacles, either works, and twist it, to pull it out of 'Mighty Mom's hands. If she's animating it, it *might* return to normal once it's out of her hands. The laughter, though, isn't going anywhere. He's really trying to suppress it, but it's just so hard to take these guys remotely seriously. Of course, the one he decides to go after has a real weapon with real bullets. Just cause he doesn't have amazon bracelets. Thankfully the Rat Dude has a terrible aim. "Ok, you suck." Beast quickly leaps out of the way, diving behind one of the cars out of the way of bullets. "Stupid luck." Hank slinks along side the car, trying to work his way behind the Rat Guy. Hopefully he just keep firing wildly and not notice where he went. Not likely, but what can you do. The combined might of the various liquids send Wonder Boy falling backward, despite the remnant of the Aegis he's conjured forth, the Amazon rolling and tumbling several yards before coming to his feet. "Just a boy? Just a BOY!?" Oh, dear, now he's angry. "I am the child of Hippolyta, Queen of the warrior nation of Themyscira! I am an Amazon, born!" A nearby manhole cover is slammed into the air by a well placed kick, and sent flying by a precise throw, a moment later, aimed for the gun in the strange, black clad man's hand. "I shall show you what it means to be 'just a boy'!" The icy cold stare that Raven gives the woman she has captured could quite possibly freeze over hell itself. "... I honestly don't think so." She pauses for a moment as she continues to just hold the woman there. "... At least not by you." She adds on a moment later before the sound of machine gun fire gets her notice. "You have to be kidding me!" She exclaimes as she interposes the woman in the force field between herself and the Ratman with a gun! No, she wasn't putting Might Mom in danger... The force field will keep her safe from any stray bullets. Of course, she might not know that... "This is really becomeing irksome!" She says with a bit of a frown from under her hood. Not likely maybe... but Hank and the others are clearly not dealing with crooks with any kind of experience. He does indeed keep shooting in the general direction Hank was going, not realizing that the blue mutant has snuck behind him. Oops. And then... there's a big inky ball in front of him! The rat dives to one direction... bringing him closer to Hank. He doesn't spy the mutant though, fixated on this ball. "...You don't scare me!" Mighty Mom is quite firmly ensconced in the ink ball. Her thrashing does little to get her out unfortunately. And Superman was indeed right - without its owner, the mop reverts to a simple, harmless mop. A dirty mop at that. Well worn and missing a few chunks of material. Condiment King's big gun goes flying, hitting the ground with a clatter. He doesn't seem too worried, although his eyes show it all. He's panicking. "Oh.. oh yeah?" He reaches behind her, retrieving his backup weapon. It's connecting by a tube to a much smaller tank. "Amazon? You don't look like you can cut the mustard!" he snorts. He points the gun and fires the entire contacts at Diana-Dane. Hot sauce. A full gallon of it. Superman has a dirty mop. He regards it, one eyebrow arched. Well, Mighty Mom is dealt with...and Superman becomes a blur, trying to knock the hot sauce gun to one side. Not like Diana can't dodge, but really, he doesn't want to see her (even in male form) covered in *hot sauce*. I mean, how...how...tacky! In the midst of the chaos, Hank almost misses what 'Wonder Boy' cries. But he manages to get enough that he can't help but blink a few times. "This city gets stranger and stranger." He mutters under his breath. And then the Rat Man's nearly leaping at him, trying to escape the so-called ink ball. Hank snaps out one hand, grabbing the tommy gun and wrenching it away if possible. His other hand grabbing for Rat-Man's shoulder... and attempting to slam him face first into the roof of the nearby car. "Enough of the cat and mouse s... stuff." Ok, he may be quoting the movie, but swearing has never been his style... especially in the middle of playing hero. "I don't know what's worse, all the stupid condiments or the damn puns." Proving that his powers haven't deserted him, despite a gender change, as some may have theorized, Wonder Boy leaps into the air, taking flight with surprising agility as the Golden Lasso of Hestia flares to life in his hands, twirling over his head. "Why should I need to cut the mustard, when I can simply cut this farce short with a flick of my wrist?" And Wonder Boy attempts to do just that, flinging his lasso almost carelessly toward Condiment King, seeking to ensnare him. Still holding Might Mom, Raven simply keeps her there in the air as Beast gets the drop on Ratman, and Superman goes to help... Wonder Boy? Umm, okay. Amazon and all that. she finally puts two and two together about who the teenage guy is. "... Ah... I get it now." She says to herself. Huh... Well, she wouldn't admit it out loud, but Diana... kinda made a fairly attractive teenage guy. Ahem... The hot sauce gun goes flying and in the next moment, Condiment King is ensnared in the Amazon's lasso. He struggles to no avail and falls over, his tank clanging hard against the concrete of the sidewalk. His partners become similarly ensnared. Mighty Mom is still in the inky ball of magic thanks to Raven, struggling against it to no avail. And Beast handily deals with the rat-man with a punch to the face. The gun falls out of his hand and he hits the ground. From high above, the cloud of corvids screech; a woman in black looks down from waaaay up, perhaps detectable to those with magic senses. But in a moment she's gone and the area around the street shudders and audibly pops. Everyone that vanished is suddenly back again, rushing and running and re-entering their cars. It's only after a few minutes of mindless running and driving that they actually stop. ...What the heck happened? Superman blinks a few times himself. He frowns, then turns towards 'Wonder Boy'. "I think...that it may be time to retrieve a certain item from our vault." Oh, is he jumping to some wrong conclusions. Wrong, but highly logical, given the circumstances. And with a whoosh, the Man of Steel departs at speed. Perhaps, after all, he has a plan... Beast just blinks a few times as everything returns to normal. He steps away from the downed rat man, dragging him back from the edge of the street and picking up the bag of gems. "I'm gonna return these." He gestures to the other handled criminals. "Someone keep an eye on them until the cops show up." Yeah, he's delegating tasks. Not his place, but well... with Supes already taking off... he doesn't want to be the only one waiting around. "Go, friend. I'll watch these fools until the police arrive." Wonder Boy smiles a bit viciously as he uncoils more of the lasso, entangling the Ratman as well, before leaning forward toward Condiment King. "You got mustard on my shirt." He murmurs, looking surprisingly frightening for a mere seventeen year old boy. Someone's been taking lessons from The Bat. Raven absetly holds up her other hand to take ahold of Ratman in a force bubble just like she is doing with Mighty Mom, even as she looks around and everything starts back up again, with people appearing back where they are all supposed to be. "Huh... HEr cloak flutters a bit as Superman zooms off. "Well, this day has been nothing but str... ..." And the of course, it just has to happen... The first hint is that Ravens voice... just got a bit higher and squeakier. And then suddenly, her hood was just completely covering her face. She wrestles with that for a moment, stepping backwards and falling over her cloak that is just really too big for her now. "Wh-whoa!" Thump! "Oww..." A now 11-ish year old Raven finally manages to pull her hood out of her face, her much more childish features showing wide-eyed annoyance... Oh, and Might mom was dropped to... Rather uncerimoniously on her duff. Well, at least she was dropped by Wonder Boy. "... Awwwww... Not /again!/" Raven facepalms. Category:Logs